Duped into performing

Many schools will put on performances at various times of the year. Typically these performances come in the form of children singing, dancing or reciting speeches in English (exactly as dull as it sounds). On occasion however the school will try and jazz up the performance by introducing some foreign flavour, something that is invariably bad news for the English teachers. More than once I have been caught up in some kind of Halloween/New Year/Christmas performance both acting, dancing and singing. I should probably mention as well that not only am I terrible at all three but that I have a particular dislike for performing in front of crowds (something that tends to manifest in a beet-red face and nervous sweating). Despite these obvious flaws in my performing repertoire, again and again the school is quite happy for me to take part.
 

The easy route would be to politely decline to take part in the show, however this can be difficult for two reasons. The first is that often the school will not really have anyone else that fits the role (i.e. they want a foreign Father Christmas) which means that they can be quite insistent in asking you. Maintaining a firm line in the face of this can be difficult particularly as it makes you seem like a massive killjoy – after a while it is easier to just cave in. The other problem is that often you’re unaware of what you’re being asked; a polite request to help out with the students’ performance at lunch soon morphs into three months rehearsal for an all singing all dancing ensemble act to be performed in front of the school and an array of visiting teachers. This genuinely happened to me, only after the first couple of rehearsals did I realise the scope of the performance and my role in it – by that point I was already involved and couldn’t really back out.

Throughout numerous rehearsals I maintained the mantra that none of my friends or family would know and that my embarrassment would at least be confined to China. Of course though the school made posters that went up on their website, filmed the whole thing then distributed some quite professional looking dvds of the performance to the entire school – as well as all the other foreign teachers. Naturally everyone at home eventually caught wind of it – at least someone enjoyed the performance.

If this cloud does have a silver lining it is that I care less and less about making an absolute fool out of myself. All I need to do now is find out a way of monetising that and I’m golden.